What do you do with your life when you are known from the moment of your birth as “the supplanter,” the one who uses deceit to get things that belong to someone else? That was the fate of Jacob, the second-born son of Isaac and Rebekah whose story is found in Genesis 25-50. Jacob connived his way into stealing his brother’s birthright. He then connived his way into gaining a fortune in livestock as well as two wives who, along with their maids, built a dynasty for Jacob by giving him a total of 12 sons. Many would consider this to be a successful life by worldly standards, but the truth is Jacob lived the early portion of his life in his “shadow” self.
If you are familiar with the Enneagram, you are familiar with the concept of your shadow side. For those of you not familiar with this tool… “The Enneagram is a personality system that aims to reveal how emotions drive our lives and how we engage with others in an effort to get what we want and need.”[1] Our emotions can lead us to behaviors that are helpful as well as to ones that are harmful. When we lean toward the harmful behaviors, we are engaging our shadow side.
In case you are curious, Richard Rohr (who wrote a book about the Enneagram) says that Jacob is a Type 3 (Achiever) on the Enneagram. As one who worked from the Achiever type, Jacob, in his shadow side, had no qualms about deceiving others to get what he wanted. Working out of his shadow side, Jacob sinned – a lot!
I became familiar with the Enneagram a few years ago. Upon taking the test the first time, I was not at all surprised to learn that I scored high in the Helper type (Type 2). I was happy with that. Helpers are “good” – at least that’s what I learned as a female child being raised by very traditional parents. I was especially pleased that I didn’t seem to connect with any of the behaviors associated with the shadow side of the Helper. I must be pretty good at this, I thought!
Recently, however, I have been learning more and more about the Enneagram types and about myself. I have discovered that, much to my chagrin, I am not a Helper type at all! I am actually a Type 8, or Challenger type. Oh, my, that was uncomfortable! Yet, as I learned more about the shadow side of the Challenger I could see myself right there (thankfully much less now than in the past). As I was growing up, it was not at all acceptable for girls to display challenging behaviors, even positive ones, and so I was re-oriented by my traditional parents to see myself as something I’m not – a Helper.
The thing is, though, that now that I have embraced my Challenger type, I can see the many ways God has used my challenging personality to do the work God has called me to do. Even when I was stuck in the shadow behavior of the Challenger, God was using that part of me molding me and growing me to become my better self. And that’s exactly what God did for Jacob.
God had a plan for Jacob’s life – a plan that would lay the foundation for the nation of Israel and all that God would accomplish through that set-apart people. This would include the sending of the Messiah, Jesus, as the incarnation of God. That’s an amazing legacy for a guy who started his life as the great deceiver!
An important part of Jacob’s true success in life was his willingness to embrace the truth of who he was. He was the kind of person who sees achievement as the most important thing in life, so he set about doing the work of achieving. While he spent the first part of his life acting out of the wrong side of his personality type, he eventually allowed God to work in him to transform him through that shadow to move him into the light. Jacob (the Supplanter) became Israel, the “one who contended with God and men and won!” Jacob didn’t stop being an Achiever. He simply allowed God to teach him how to be an Achiever for God’s purposes.
Likewise, I am now learning what it means to be a Challenger for God’s purposes. I still help people when I can, I just now realize that the desire to help isn’t what drives me and it’s not who God created me to be. I found the truth of who I am and who God wants me to be by confronting my shadow side. I am now much freer to live into the strengths of my Challenger personality.
So, for those of you who have been offended or hurt by my tendency to be somewhat domineering in my style, I apologize. God is still working on me. The grace in all of this for me (as it was for Jacob) is realizing that God does not despise my shadow side but rather sees it as an opportunity to make me the best me God created me to be (yes, I know that sounds a bit like Dr. Seuss, but you’ll just have to live with that).
You don’t need to take the Enneagram test to confront your shadow side. You simply need to be honest about who you really are and the ways you have misused your God-given personality. You can do so without fear because God loves you, shadow and all, and God can use your shadow side to help you grow into your better self. What amazing grace!
[1] From truity.com
If you would like to view past editions of Grace for the Journey, follow this link: https://sounddistrictnc.org/category/grace-for-the-journey/