– Rev. Joyce Dye – Pastor of Congregational Care, St. James UMC
It’s a hard time in The United Methodist Church right now. Break-ups are rarely easy. Many of us are hurting because friends and colleagues we once laughed with, shared meals with, and sat with at Annual Conference have decided to go a different path. Some are still debating with themselves and their congregations on what is the right thing to do. Truth be told, there probably isn’t a right thing. God calls us to unity, and when all is said and done, I believe we will find that in Christ we have much more in common than
we can ever find to disagree about.
However, the human heart is a contentious thing. We all seem to love a good argument whether it be as trivial as which college football team is the best or as momentous as what constitutes a good enough reason to go to war. I’d say that what we Methodists are arguing about right now falls somewhere in the middle. The snarky part of me wants to say, closer to the trivial than to the momentous, but I’ll let God sort that out.
As I ponder where to find the grace in this, the only thing that comes to mind is that others have been here before us and have survived. Some have even gone on to lead pretty successful lives and have pretty successful ministries. Yes, that includes other denominations, but it also includes our biblical ancestors. I’d like to focus on those, and while I don’t have any gems of wisdom to share about them, I hope that by simply reminding us all that they walked this path long before we have, I will also remind us that we will come out on the other side with the things that really count – love, hope, peace, and the mission to share the good news of God’s kin-dom and Christ’s resurrection with all who will listen. So, take a few minutes to consider these equally flawed, equally beloved ancestors:
- Isaac and Ishmael: Ishmael may have been Abraham’s firstborn son, but he was not the son of God’s promise. When Isaac was born, his mother Sarah insisted that Ishmael and his mother Hagar be sent away. This could have led to great
anger and conflict between the two half-brothers, but we see years later that they reunite peaceably to bury their father. - Jacob and Esau: Jacob stole both Esau’s birthright and his blessing leaving Esau so angry that he wanted to kill Jacob. However, after a span of over 14 years, tempers cooled and when Jacob returned to his hometown, Esau went out to
meet him and offer forgiveness. Of course, Jacob still decided that it would be wise to settle down somewhere not so very close to Esau’s family, but still the brothers found their way back to one another and both went on to establish lineages that we still learn about and honor today. - Jacob and Laban: In order to escape Esau, Jacob moved in with his mother’s brother, Uncle Laban. In Laban, Jacob found a trickster to more than match his own skills and it didn’t take long before the two were at each other’s throats. That’s when Jacob decided to pack up his now very large family and move back home – secretly. When Laban learned of this, he took off after Jacob because not only did Jacob leave with Laban’s two daughters and a bunch of grandchildren, he also took (unwittingly, thanks to wife Rachel) Laban’s household gods. By the time Laban caught up with Jacob, some of his anger had waned and he agreed to a treaty with Jacob. This is where we get the phrase, “The LORD watch between me and thee when we are absent one from another.”
- Joseph and his brothers: Who doesn’t know the story of that “technicolor dream coat”?! Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery when they decided doing so was less reprehensible than killing him. Joseph suffered greatly after this betrayal but
in the end he became the most powerful man in Egypt other than the Pharaoh. Eventually, his brothers were forced to come to him (not knowing it was him, of course) to get food during a great famine. After a bit of what we today would call
“messing with their minds,” Joseph revealed himself to his brothers and offered them forgiveness and reconciliation.
All of those examples come from the very first book of the Bible. But what about later on? Time and space won’t allow me to list all the examples available, but one more, this one from the New Testament, seems important to me: Paul and Barnabas and John Mark. These three men traveled together and worked side by side to teach the good news of Jesus Christ and establish churches throughout the Mideast.
You would think that this work would have brought them closer and made them best buddies. However, according to Acts 15:36-41, John Mark had “deserted” Paul and Barnabas in Pamphylia. Apparently, he had now returned and wanted to rejoin the team. Barnabas wanted to welcome him back, but Paul allowed anger and perhaps spite to deny that possibility. Perhaps he had forgotten how Barnabas had welcomed him into fellowship at a time when everyone else wanted to hold onto their old hate for the old Saul/Paul. So it was that Barnabas and John Mark went off in one direction and Paul headed another with Silas, another fellow worker for the gospel.
That wasn’t the end of the story, however, and while we don’t get the details of the reconciliation, we learn from some of Paul’s letters that the three men were reunited at some point. Yes, you are more than welcome to burst into a stanza of “Reunited, and it feels so good” at this point.
And speaking of points, here’s mine. People and groups argue. Conflicts happen. Break-ups occur. But separation will not have the last word because God is all about reconciliation. For those who feel that they need to walk away, we must gracefully let them go. For those who choose to stay, we must gracefully receive one another’s pain, heartbreak, and disappointment. Through it all, however, there must be grace. If John Wesley taught us nothing else, he did teach us that. Grace is of God and if we are to be God’s people, then we must be a people of grace even in the difficult goodbyes.