For many of us, death isn’t something we like to talk about. We want to pretend that our loved ones will live forever or, if we want to be a bit more realistic, we imagine that they will at least outlive us so that we never have to experience the pain of grief. In Genesis 23, Sarah (the wife of Abraham) dies. We are told that Abraham “cried out in grief and wept for Sarah.” Where is there grace in that? you may ask.
Finding grace when we are in the midst of grief is difficult, perhaps even impossible. Grief can be so overwhelming that nothing else can break through into our souls. That is why it is important for us to know – long before we enter into a time of grief – that we will experience God’s grace even then. Abraham models for us what it may look like to grieve and still know grace.
Abraham and Sarah walked with God throughout their lives. They lived in an intimate relationship with God, obeying when God told them to pack up and move, seeking God’s will when they wanted to have a child, trusting God when they got into tricky situations, and even hosting God at an impromptu dinner. Abraham trusted God to care for Isaac even as he and Isaac made their way to the place where Abraham believed he was to sacrifice Isaac. Abraham negotiated with God when he believed that God was being too harsh with the people of Sodom and Gomorrah. In other words, for Abraham and Sarah, God wasn’t some divine being “out there” somewhere. God was a friend and provider who was with them through it all.
I have a feeling that because Abraham knew God as friend and provider throughout his life, when it came to losing Sarah – his beloved wife – Abraham was able to run to God with all his grief and pain. Abraham knew that God was there for him even in this time of death. That, I believe, is why Abraham could release his pain by crying out and weeping. Abraham had learned that he couldn’t always be strong, he couldn’t always fix things. In those times when he needed to be vulnerable, God would be there to hold on to him.
Grief comes to us in many ways. In may come unexpectedly through an accident or a suicide. It may come to us after a long battle with an illness. It may come after many, many years of marriage. It may come through a miscarriage or stillbirth. While we can never fully prepare ourselves for grief, we can learn from Abraham to lean into God’s grace when grief does come.
- Grace gives us permission not to be strong in times of grief. Grace tells us that we can be vulnerable, we can weep, we can cry out, we can cling to others who are able to be strong for us, and most of all we can cling to God.
- Grace enables us to be with the one we love even as they are dying and as our hearts are being broken. Genesis 23:3 begins with this phrase: “After [Abraham] got up from embracing his deceased wife….” Remaining with someone who is dying may be the most difficult thing we are ever asked to do, yet it is also one of (if not the most) sacred thing we can do. This is as true for our animal companions as it is for our human companions. Grace is the only thing that makes it possible for us to give this final gift to a loved one.
- Grace also helps us to keep moving forward. After a loved one has died, we may find ourselves sinking into the kind of depression that makes it hard to get out of bed, to do the things that need to be done, and to move into the next phase of our life – that phase known as “the new normal.” When we know that God is with us in this time, we draw our strength from God. It may be just enough strength to do the next necessary thing, but sometimes that is all we need. After Abraham got up from embracing Sarah, he went about the necessary business of finding a burial site for her. He kept going, he kept walking forward with God. His grief didn’t magically disappear, but because he leaned on God, he was able to keep going.
- Finally, grace has the power to bring something good even out of the worst tragedy. That doesn’t mean that God willed the tragedy. It simply means that God’s grace never allows death and grief to have the last word. One of the good things God brought out of this situation was solidifying the rights of Abraham’s descendants to the land where the grave site was located. This may not seem like a big deal unless you remember that God had promised Abraham that his innumerable descendants would be blessed with land, a land that came to be known as the Promised Land.
We need to believe that there is grace even in grief before we are faced with grief. We need to know that that grace comes from our intimate, trusting relationship with God. Even then, we may not recognize the grace when we are in the middle of grief, but we will be better prepared to look back and recognize how God’s grace got us through once we are further down the road. Abraham survived his deep grief and so will we – by the grace of God.
Rev. Joyce Day
If you would like to view past editions of Grace for the Journey, follow this link: https://sounddistrictnc.org/category/grace-for-the-journey/