– Kim R. Smith, Sound District Lay Leader
Each morning, I use both the Pray-As-You-Go App and the Upper Room Disciplines as part of my time with God. Then, I write whatever is on my heart after that time alone in prayer. During one recent week, forgiveness kept coming up and beating on the doors of my heart. God was clearly trying to tell me something and keeping it real. I was not having it.
Writing is a spiritual practice for me, so I write every single day. As I look back over my words from that week, I was working through wanting to do as commanded by God and my very human emotions of wanting vengeance or some sort of reckoning that I could witness. That public humiliation would make it easier for me to forgive… or so I thought.
That day came, and I will admit to a brief cleansing exhale, but there wasn’t a feeling of joy. Sorrow over the brokenness that caused the actions that were so complicated to forgive actually took the front seat in the chaotic recesses of my mind and heart. My inability to simply do as asked brought shame as well.
We are preparing for Easter, when Christ died for our sins. He was betrayed, mocked, murdered… and still he forgave. As I settled for my morning devotion, God pretty much snapped me into focus with the message offered. When Peter asked Jesus in Matthew 18:21-22, “How many times should I forgive someone who does something wrong to me? Is seven times enough?” Jesus answered, “… not just seven times, but seventy- seven times.” Seventy-seven times…
The scripture reading moved me to a place of forgiveness and healing for the person who had caused me so much pain. As soon I shifted my prayer from my own needs to hers, God showed me all the ways he had used those hurts to strengthen my own faith and my walk with him. My writing that day ended in a place far removed from bitterness that rested squarely on gratitude.
Many of us have been hurt over the past year. Many of our hearts struggle to move from bitterness at the inability of others to see the pain they have caused through actions and deeds to a place of peaceful forgiveness. Now is the time. We have important work to do that can’t be delayed because our hearts refuse to forgive.
As we all walk toward the cross this month and with intention, carry our hearts through the journey there, we are reminded that nothing about it was easy for Jesus. Nothing. Maybe the bonds forged through fire shape us and change us much more than the easy things of this life. In order to love, we first have to forgive. Nothing about either is easy, but it’s the very least that we can do as we are reminded of the price paid for us. If that doesn’t do it, consider the many times we have needed both forgiveness and love… he has never denied us either one.
“And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: you shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no greater commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31 ESV