Over the past 16 years, I have served on our local school board alongside a fierce black female leader named Frances. Until recently, we served together as Chair and Vice-Chair of what is one of the most diverse school systems in the state of NC according to Niche. Our shared faith and belief that diversity is a strength not a weakness, has allowed us to serve through one of the most combative and divisive times in recent history.
Truthfully, one day we will look back and laugh at the way we have bickered and fought with each other over the years. Those disagreements often forced me to look at her life and her scars through a lens that I have not always been willing to look through honestly. I am not proud of that statement. Yet, when someone I cared deeply for was clearly in pain… I had to dig deeper and take a new look. I should have been trying to look with an open heart in search of understanding all along.
The thing is, I grew up in a military town that has always been extremely diverse. My first exposure to the “in your face” kind of racism that exists was as an adult and new to service on our local school board. I have unfortunately witnessed it too many times to count at this point. The cruelty that she and others have endured for no other reason than the color of their skin, shows that we have a lot of work to do as a community and as a nation. A lot of pain needs to be acknowledged before hearts can begin to heal.
Over the past two years, school boards have become battlegrounds over things like Critical Race Theory, Equity Audits, book choices, history curriculums, masks, and more. Hearts from many backgrounds have done so much damage by reacting from a place of fear and divisiveness, instead of acting from a place of sincere inquiry and unity. The subtle racial tones to many of the discussions have become more frightening to me as a Christian, than the “in your face” screaming voices. The glances… the whispers… the looks past her as leader to the eyes of another in the room who looks more like them… dancing around what they are really trying to say… breaks my heart for all of us.
The photo was taken at a retreat on the Pamlico River. Fun is important. 😊
The two of us, one strong black female pastor in her 70’s and this strong white lay leader in her 50’s, have prayed together and cried together more than anyone can imagine. We don’t cry or pray because the work is hard for us. Instead, we cry and pray because our children are watching and learning from what is playing out across our society right now. We pray because we know God is in it, and we need to keep reminding ourselves and each other… that he is with us through it all.
I can remember one particularly heated exchange between our board. I did not understand what our black members thought I should already know. Finally, I took a fellow board member who means the world to me by the hand and looked her in the eye. I needed her full attention as I said from a place of absolute love and respect …”This may come as a surprise to you, but I am not black.” She paused and then we all laughed until we cried. I know what I know… and I don’t know what I don’t know. We need to talk to each other.
From that point of acknowledging that I will never know all of their pain and scars, we began to build a foundation. I want and need to understand how her personal history impacts her actions in the here and now. From that point, we have learned to share more openly with each other.
I have watched the first black female Chairperson of our Board of Education, endure some of the most vitriolic and cruel behaviors on social media over the past 24 months. I have seen her struggle with decisions that she knew were right because she worried about the public perception and how race would factor into the acceptance or lack thereof. I have seen her stand as strong as a one-hundred-year-old oak in her faith and in her belief that EVERY single child deserves to learn and EVERY single teacher deserves a chance to grow and lead. I have fought back tears as we both have come to realize… not everyone feels the same way.
We have trusted each other… and we have lost trust in each other. We have put in the hard work of trying to listen to each other for understanding instead of waiting for a pause to respond. We have bonded through what only those in the fire could really understand, to be at the place we are now of having faith in each other and in our God. I have learned to stop and try to consider the stories she has shared of her struggles with race through the years. I have learned to spot subtle hints of racism in policies that can impact marginalized students in negative ways. I have learned to be a better human from taking the time to invest in the relationship. I am a better board member because of my time spent with her.
It is not enough for me to say that “I am not a racist.” I have to be able to recognize racism in the room and in the discussion. I need to be able to stand up and call it out in others. We are ALL God’s people. We are ALL worthy of his love and grace. We are ALL called to love our neighbors…. ALL of our neighbors. We ALL have some growing and learning to do and if that makes us uncomfortable, maybe that’s a good thing. Because beyond the discomfort comes understanding and the ability to serve as a Disciple of Jesus Christ for the transformation of this world and ALL of his people.
I pray that as we reflect on Black History in America, someone like Frances comes to all of our minds. Someone who is so much more like us than we have cared to believe. Someone who is strong in faith and who will forgive us when our ignorance gets sloppy. Someone who is grounded in their faith in God… OUR God. OUR creative and imaginative and loving God who created this diverse world for HIS glory… not ours. I pray you have a Frances in your life who can with patience and grace, help you understand the importance of learning from our complicated history.
“In Christ’s family there can be no division into Jew and non-Jew, slave and free, male and female. Among us you are all equal. That is, we are all in common relationship with Jesus Christ. Also, since you are Christ’s family, then you are Abraham’s famous “descendant,” heirs according to the covenant promises.” Galatians 3:28-29 MSG
If you would like to view past editions of A Message from Kim, follow this link: https://sounddistrictnc.org/category/from-district-lay-leader/
If you would like to connect with Kim please do so through her email, k.smith@nccumc.org